The Bad Enchilada ~ Book Review

Sadly, not the fast food Mexican restaurant I love from NYC (best. nachos. EVER.) But a children's book, but oddly enough, when I did a Swagbucks search for the image, I got this link for the restaurant instead ... but I am distracted by my memory of their nachos loaded with cheese, and I need to get back to this "enchilada," so stay with me!

[Writer's note, that restaurant is the BIG Enchilada, which is not the name of this book ...]

Anyway, here's the deal. I received this book to review, and was pretty excited. The first children's book I've received! How cool! How fun! How -- not really the right book for my 3-year-old daughter. Bummer.

I checked on Barnes and Noble's website, and they have the book listed as appropriate for children aged 3-8 years. And perhaps it would be okay for the younger children, but it confused me a bit, so I struggled with reading it clearly for my own child to fully understand.

While I understood the concept of holding in your emotions and comparing that to the way you feel when you eat something that bothers your stomach, I think 3 is a little young to truly get that, and because of that I had some difficulties explaining the story as it was to my daughter.

The other issue I had was I was totally confused with who was who, why there was a talking flea, and what the connection was that made him the character to teach Wil what was happening with him.

After reading the book, first on my own, then with my daughter, then asking a friend, who has an older child to read it, as well (also a bit confused while perusing the story) I determined that it doesn't seem to stand strongly by itself. I went to the publisher's website, and reviewed the information for the first book of the series, Wil, Fitz and a Flea Named "T." I think that this detail when they describe the initial story is what was missing from The Bad Enchilada: "Significant part of the text used to introduce the main characters (Wil and ”T”) and developing the character of ”T” as the “sage” of the series."

So, while I thought that this book wasn't the best choice for my 3-year-old daughter, I can see how a 5-year-old might enjoy the story, and benefit from reading the first one, as well, to set the stage, so to speak.

As for my daughter and those with younger children, check out the website. The coloring pages are really cute and fun. And you don't need to truly get the story when you print them out and use them. Let the kids make up their own. Sometimes it's more fun that way, anyway!

** I was not compensated for this review in any way. I was provided a copy of this book to review by the publisher. **

Are you as happy as I am?

Ahhh ...

Yum.

Whew.

Mmmn.

Sigh.

Ahh.

Oooh.

And last, but never least ...

just because he's the man that started it all ...

and because he's hot ...

WAY HOT ...


(Have you seen Date Night yet? If not, go now. Run.
Hurry up. I'm not kidding.)

Ahhh. Le Sigh.

**All images were obtained by searching via Swagbucks**

** Let's call this my Wordless Wednesday post, shall we? :)**

I'm Going Places!

I'm not always that great at following up on awards I've received. I'm pretty slack at it, especially when I have to answer a ton of questions, or pass along to like 20 people. I hate that part. I never want to leave anyone out.

But I got this award yesterday from my friend NYCGirl and I figured I'd take a moment to answer the "required" question for this one.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

It's kind of like an interview question, isn't it? Although if I recall correctly, that would have asked FIVE years. Anyway, ten years. Wow. TEN years.

In ten years from now my daughter will be THIRTEEN!!!! ACK! Right now she is 3 going on 13, so then she'll be like 13 going on 23. In ten years I'll have a teenage daughter. Oh, Lord, help me now!

I would like to think that in ten years from now I will be back at work, doing what I love as a social worker with people in need of services. Whether that will be children and families, as I have worked with in the past, or maybe the elderly, if I can muster up the courage and push aside my extra emotions, or with postpartum mamas in need of someone who is there to listen without judgment. I hope that will be me.

I would like to say our family will have grown by then, if G-d chooses to bless us with more children (or just one more, who knows?) I think that would be nice. I don't usually talk about that aspect of my life here, as I'm not truly sure what the future holds. But it's nice to say a 'what if' now and again. Isn't it?

I would hope that in ten years both of my parents will be retired, and maybe come move down here to NC? Or maybe by then we'll have relocated somewhere else? Who knows?

And that my husband and I have been able to take a vacation together, by ourselves, again. Maybe before ten years, but at least when the child is old enough to stay with grandparents and we're brave enough to let her.

I'd also love to be thinner. Smaller. Lighter. But that's something I'd prefer happen long before the ten year mark.

And so that's what I've been thinking about this morning.

How about you? What do you hope to be doing in ten years? Fill me in.

And actually ... I will tag a few of you, because some of you, just because of the personalities I see that you have, are always moving, on the go, and just have that "Going Places" vibe to me. But please, anyone can answer, I'm always up to hearing what the future has in store for us all. Or what we hope it does. 'Cause who truly knows, right?

So, go check out my friends ...

A motivated Mama who is ALWAYS moving. Plus she's a runner. I'm way jealous: Two Bears Farm

Just look at the name of her blog. Don't you want to BE her? Globetrotting in Heels

An open and honest, raw blog. Fever makes me stop and think so much I can't read it all in one sitting.

Always sharing. Always growing. I'd love to hear what her ten-year-plan is! 38 and Growing

A new job, a new adventure. Someone who has surprisingly become a "new" friend through blogging than through the rest of our lives ... Single Mom in the South

Rinse, Lather, Repeat

Anyone else feel like this is how your days go?

Wake up. Pee. Brush teeth (if you can get it in!), wash face. Come downstairs.

Let the dog out. Feed the cats. Let the dog in. Feed the dog.

Feed the child. Maybe now, maybe later. Depends on the time. Child wants to watch "a little TV" at her little table for breakfast time. Log onto computer while sitting on couch.

Figure out my own breakfast. Toasted bread of some sort, slightly buttered with 1/2 an avocado. My fave breakfast. EVER. Soy milk. Take allergy and happy pills.

And the day has officially begun.

Don't even get me started on the nights. But at least the days are slightly different. But the words are sometimes the same.

No.

Because I said so. (I admit it, I've used it once or twice in exhaustion.)

What do you want to eat?

You can't have bugs for breakfast.

That's too fancy, too hot, too small, too big ... pick something else.

Stay in my bed and watch TV while mommy takes a shower.

PLEASE!

Close the doooooor!

You can't leave the back door open because if the cats leave they won't come back.

It's too hot for a walk.

Please don't chase Dexter/Harley (anyone else she might be after at that moment!)!

Be nice to Angel.

We can't start it at the beginning, this TV doesn't DO that.

Stay in your bed, or I'm leaving.

I love you.

I love you, too.

And those last two are the reasons that I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Happy Friday to Y'all!

Hey, bloggy-land, what's cookin' on this fine Friday morning?

My child has just decided that she wants to watch Peter Cottontail. Again. Yes, again. For the SECOND TIME. IN. A. ROW.

Remember that it's June. And we're Jewish. But Happy Easter to ya!

Just figured I'd check in to say hey, so, HEYEYEYEYEYEY!

I'm kind of lazy this morning and slightly emotionally spent, so you can check out my previous post or the one two before that here:

Letter to myself

FOOD

And feel free to give me some feedback. I've already had a slight but swift kick in the butt and made my way over to Lose It, Bitches! thanks to That One Mom. So I look forward to having some friends to share their motivations with me!

Don't forget that it's Friday-Follow time today. So head on over and check out some incredible blogs by clicking the airplane below:

See you there!!

Writer's Workshop: A Letter to Myself

Hey there, you.

Yes, you. That beautiful woman who hates looking in the mirror some days.

What are you doing? What's holding you back? Who is holding you back?

Oh, so you know it's YOU. You know you hold yourself back from being 100% healthy. 100% more motivated. A little more happy. Yeah, yeah. Skinny does not mean happy, I know what you're saying. But don't you think you'd be just a tad happier if you weren't dealing with your thighs rubbing together on a daily basis?

So. What's the deal? Why hold yourself back like that? I know how easy it is to say you don't have the time to work out, but what's the harm in waking up an hour before your daughter does to get in front of the TV and pop in a workout DVD?

You can't join a gym, a fitness program, a class because you don't drive. That's a whole other issue, so we won't go there today. There ARE things you can do in the comforts of your own home. So why not try them? How hard is it to eat healthier? Shop better? Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop forcing excuses on yourself. Stop giving excuses TO yourself when you think you can't do it. Realistically, you WON'T.

You should.

Yes, it is true, you're happy. You have a wonderful husband, a beautiful and incredible daughter, and you're surrounded by friends and family who love you. What's wrong with that?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with that, but aren't there those days that you wish you could throw on something and not worry about the size, the fit, the way that it looks? Don't you think you could benefit from losing a few pounds? You don't have to start with 100. You don't even have to start with 40. How about just looking to get rid of 10? 5, even? Just do it. Yeah, it sounds like a cliche', but I don't mean for it to be. Just start moving. Play with your daughter some more. Talk your husband into moving around after work. Go for walks when the temps get a little cooler. MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT.

You'll thank me later.

Love, **ME**

This post was done in response to a prompt from mama kat's writer's workshop this week: Write a letter to whatever is stopping you from losing the extra weight you’d like to lose.

Freedom's Call ~ Book Review

I decided to give myself something totally different to read when approached by the publicist for Freedom's Call, by John Walker.

This book is absolutely not of the typical genre that I would choose to read, but it seemed like it would be an interesting story.

From the author's website:

"Johnny Locker is the leader of a massively popular movement to overhaul the nation’s Social Security system. Unbeknownst to him, another movement is in place—and this one’s much more dangerous. A charismatic military hero has a plan to overthrow the entire governmental system and replace it with one more closely based on the Constitution. And he wants Johnny’s help.

Johnny is quickly swept up in the general’s big ideas, but he soon realizes that the new leader is just as corrupt as the old. With the support of other dissidents, Johnny finds himself once again leading a grassroots movement that will reshape the nation. He has always been a bit of a rebel, but to answer Freedom’s Call, he must also become a revolutionary."

I wanted to know this Johnny Locker ~ who I kept referring to as Johnny Walker. And even WROTE that here initially. Oops! ~ I wanted to feel like he was real. As the story started off, I was a bit confused. But I think so was the character, so it wasn't that bad that I had no idea what was happening. And then it started flowing. I went through pages 30-something to about 90 or so and was shocked at how quickly I turned the pages. I wanted to know what the heck was happening with the US, the military, the secrets. I wanted to know why Johnny was pulled into this, and what the general behind all of this truly had in mind for the USA.

And then I tapered off. At first I thought the book was 130 pages, and I was thinking, okay, easy and fast read. But then I looked again (am I the only one who tends to check how many pages I have left when reading?) and saw I had 180. Oh. Eh.

I liked how the story unraveled, but had a hard time buying not so much what was figured out and how quickly, but what Johnny's role became as things fell into place. I liked the minor characters a lot. Jonesy (I think that was his nickname) was a fave who wasn't truly established. I also liked Nick a lot and wanted to hear more from him.

While I, personally, struggled with finishing the book because I had to suspend my disbelief a bit too much for this kind of story ... I actually would have preferred it if it was a longer novel. If it had fleshed out the characters a bit more, gave us more time to figure out what was truly going on, and let us know Johnny more as the person he was before all of this came down. Perhaps had I seen some of that I might have been able to believe the story more. In the meantime, it's set in the future of the US, a future I truly hope we never come to see.

If you like a little politics or military business in your reading, it's worth a look. If you're not always a fan of that kind of story, but are hoping that the actual STORY will capture your attention enough, I say skip it. It leaves you wanting more of a story that you're not going to get in those 180 or so pages.



** This review was written based on a free copy of the book I received from the publisher. I have not been compensated in any way, shape or form for writing this review. **

Wordless Wednesday!

Food ...

For some people food is a method of sustenance. For others it can be an enemy. For me, food is not my enemy. It's often TOO much of a friend.

I snack. Frequently. I use food to make me feel better. Comfort food. Ice cream. Chocolate. Potatoes. Avocados. Butter. Bread. Pasta. Cheese.

Food can be amazing. When you head to a restaurant for the exquisite cuisine, know you're going to have something fabulous to eat, and feel completely satisfied, because it's dinner time. Or time for breakfast. Time to eat.

Should there be a time to eat? Do you eat on a schedule? I don't really. I kind of eat my 3 meals, but when they happen totally varies. Unfortunately I'm setting a similar guide for my daughter. She eats her meals, but she also wants to snack. Fortunately (on a + note!) she eats and snacks when she's hungry, so she's still at that childhood stage of not eating emotionally. Thank goodness.

When do we learn to eat emotionally, I wonder? I was a chubby kid, but not a chubby toddler. Did it start in 6th grade? Or earlier? Wasn't I a little bit thin in Junior High School? I think I was. Ah, well, that reflecting won't get me anywhere. Somewhere along the way I established a not-so-healthy relationship with food.

I turned to Ben & Jerry after a break-up. They were all I had. And likely almost all I ate. So ironically, I lost weight. How did that work, anyway?

At various points in my life I traveled overseas, and enjoyed fish and chips (I don't eat fish, but I tried a bite in London), amazing chicken korma (Indian food in London), jacket potatoes (Ireland), cheese, cheese and more cheese (Spain, of all places), and chocolate croissants (wherever I could find them!) ... oh, let me not forget Marzipan (Spain, as well)!

For some places, more than food, I can talk about the drink. ;) Various kinds of alcoholic ciders from around the world. Ah, the thrill of it. The fun of it. The ... taste of it. The hangovers. Yes, I'm human. I've over-imbibed a bit. At home in the US, and overseas, as well.

Don't get me wrong, I never had to travel far for food or drink when I lived in NYC. So my vacations aren't the only amazing food memories I have. There's the pumpkin ravioli at my favorite Italian restaurant, none better. Cucina de Pesce. The pineapple fried rice at Sea Thai in Brooklyn. The nachos with cheese at the Big Enchilada. Bagels. Pizza. Bagels. Pizza. Have I mentioned bagels and pizza? Spumoni at L&B Spumoni Gardens. And so much more.

Anyway, I've always thought, how cool would it be to do a food blog? And you know what? I can't. My relationship with food is not yet healthy enough. Besides, I tend to buy processed frozen crap too often. Not all the time, but sometimes I do. And who the heck needs to see that?

So that's a small outpouring. I don't know if it makes sense. I just felt a ramble coming on and figured I'd share it. What does food mean to you? Care to share?

Books, books and more books!

So I was writing up a list for someone this morning and figured why not just post a small book-related summary of faves here?

Some of my ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOKS EVER:
The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
Good in Bed, by Jennifer Weiner
My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult
The Middle Place, by Kelly Corrigan

And more recent faves:
Firefly Lane, by Kirstin Hannah
The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, by Joshilyn Jackson
On Folly Beach, by Karen White
The Help, by Kathryn Stockett

Authors I totally love almost everything they've written:
Jennifer Weiner
Jodi Picoult
Sarah Addison Allen

Also, today is the last day of the Spring Reading Thing that I posted about here.



I did not read all of the books on my list for the challenge, but I did read some of them, and many others that I hadn't even considered reading at the time this challenge began. I have marked those from my list that I did complete and then some ... My completed list for the Spring Reading Thing 2010:

1. When you Eat at the Refrigerator Pull Up a Chair, Geneen Roth
2. No Dress Rehearsal, Marian Keyes [from list]
3. You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, Celia Rivenbark
4. Knit Two, Kate Jacobs [from list]
5. On Folly Beach, Karen White [from list]
6. Our Promised Land, Michael T. Darkow [from list]
7. Inconsolable: How I Threw My Mental Health Out With the Diapers, Marrit Ingman [from list]
8. The Accidental Mother, Rowan Coleman [from list]
9. Jane Austen Ruined My Life, Beth Pattillo
10. Skinny is Overrated, Dr. Danielle Milano
11. Saving Max, Antoinette van Heugten
12. The Imperfect Mom, Therese J. Borchard
13. Never Let You Go, Erin Healy
14. The Help, Kathryn Stockett
15. The Second Nine Months, Vicki Glembocki
16. The Girl Who Chased the Moon, Sarah Addison Allen
17. Deep Dish, Mary Kay Andrews
18. The No-Cry Potty Training Solution, Elizabeth Pantley

And those from my list I didn't get to ... YET!
** Belong to Me/When Love Walked In, marisa de los santos
** The Whole World Over, Julia Glass
** True Colors, Kristin Hannah
** Further Under the Duvet, Marian Keyes [Still working on it!]

But maybe I'll carry those over to my friend Julie's Summer Reading Challenge:




Here's my list of TO-READS for this summer:
** True Colors, Kristin Hannah
** Between Sisters, Kristin Hannah [read!]
** Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart, Beth Patillo
** The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown
** The Last Girls, Lee Smith
** Best Friends Forever, Jennifer Weiner [read!]
** Dreaming in Hindi, Katherine Russell Rich [still reading]
** Finding Marco, Kenneth C. Cancellara [reviewed]
** Freedom's Call, John Walker [read!]
** Seven Year Switch, Claire Cook [read!]
** A Wild Ride Up The Cupboards, Ann Bauer
** Life's a Beach, Claire Cook
** My Summer of Southern Discomfort, Stephanie Gayle [read]
** The Center of Everything, Laura Moriarty
** The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, Aimee Bender
** The Price of Revenge, Dennis Vaughan
** The Whole World Over, Julia Glass
** Men and Dogs, Katie Crouch [read!]

And on top of all of that I hope to get my book swap going this summer, as well. Stay tuned for more details. And please come on by, comment, etc. Tweet me! Whatever it takes. LET'S TALK BOOKS!

Writer's Workshop: It Happened At Work

I guess you could say that my first job was my -- ehem -- meet market.

It was that kind of place. Loads of people out of college, quite the Melrose Place feel to it. A little incestuous, ultimately, but it was where many an employee met their future spouse. Including me! (I was there for NINE years, I deserved to get something out of the place, right?)

But the road to my hubby wasn't necessarily easy. I wasted some time along the way, and then spent many an awkward moment at the office. I will clarify that I also picked up some of my closest friends, EVER, from this job, so there isn't much to complain about.

There was K, the slacker employee who I used to "hang out with" upstairs, when he took smoke breaks in the cafeteria. Yes, smoking inside was ALLOWED in a certain section upstairs. Crazy to even think that was possible, and that I was stupid enough to go upstairs with him to shoot the shit. But I did. I was young and stupid. And had a ridiculous crush. An attraction. Nothing became of it, and years after he left the company I swore I saw him riding his bike in Manhattan, as a messenger, perhaps. I'll never forget his bizarre and creepy apartment off of Avenue A, though. Just at the tip of Alphabet City, kind of. Now, now, don't judge. We slept beside each other after a night out. That's all.

Then there was G. Ah, G. A waste of time, yes, but I had a mild attraction, so why not? He had no personality, but was cute and kind of sweet. I'm trying to remember, I *think* he picked me up at my parents' house one time, ages ago. Before I moved into the city. We certainly had our share of nights out, odd connections, and an episode of hooking up against a pinball machine. (Have I said too much?) He ultimately tried to dump me, not that we were actually dating, for the girl at the office who started the exact day that I did and wore super short skirts that she made. I had the last laugh, though, don't worry. A few years later I became his boss!

Through these years I spent a lot of time connecting with M. M was the hugest flirt. When I first met him, he was engaged. That didn't last. It didn't surprise me, once I got to know him. M absolutely HATED K. Interesting, no? I never told him of my history there, but that wasn't a problem. M had probably been with half the girls at the office. If not more. But not me. I wasn't going to just be that hook up. Nuh-Uh. And you know what? I wasn't. We dated for a year. Broke up for a few months, and got back together. Broke up again for real after a 3-month run. That first break up was the worst. It was awful. It was my only real break up experience. Yes, I know, i was in my late 20s. But I didn't really "date" before then.

While M and I were dating he was assigned a new hire. Some kid from Maine, recently relocated, who was getting an office, no less! I just had a cubicle, and I was a supervisor. Or I was almost one. It's hard to remember the exact time-line. Anyway, this kid often says that the day he met me he said, Man, she's cute. But then he found out she (that's me!) was the boss' girlfriend. And let's not forget the fact that HIS own girlfriend was moving down to NY from Maine with him. Oh, yeah, her.

This kid supported me through my ultimate break-up, and slowly found himself connecting with me. He and his girlfriend broke up (I'm a homewrecker, what can I say? They were meant to be over long before then, I promise. Plus, I didn't initiate, I RAN. Like a bat outta hell!) I freaked OUT. We shared one kiss. I freaked out. I said I wasn't ready. He became a little too intense. I told my friend (remember, the amazing ones I met at this job? One of them. Which reminds me, I should really call him.) that there was no way in hell I was going down this road again with a "friend," someone from work. What the he!!? AND his boss was my ex. NO WAY.

Eleven years, 1 dog, 6 cats and 1 child later, we're married for 8 years and have left NY to live in NC. Together the whole damned time. Minus a few months where he lived here in NC before me and came home every or every other weekend.

So, thanks to my old job. I was there 9 years until I obtained my MSW and moved on. It was a great experience, and brought me to the life I live today. Interesting, no? I mean, it DID happen at work, right?

**This post is a part of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.**

Pour Your Heart Out

Are you a crier? I totally am. I cry at everything. Seriously, I just do.

Last night, after my all day class and returning home to find my new washer-dryer in use, my AC finally working and my hubby, well, POd at me because I was questioning things about the AC issue ... And then we get ready to go grab dinner, the child does not want to get in the carseat, and all she keeps saying is "I want Daddy. I want Daddy to do it."

Well, eventually, I cried. Not huge and overflowing tears, but tears just the same. And then, when she pulled that same schpiel when we got TO the restaurant and didn't want me to get her out of the carseat, I refused to oblige, unbuckled her, pulled her out of the car and passed her to her father. And walked away. And at some point after that, you know what? I cried again.

Sometimes our children know exactly how to impact us to such a point that there is no other way to turn but tears. They don't always mean to, but they can be stubborn, strong-willed, bull-headed and refuse to listen, and we, the parents, find ourselves so damned exhausted that crying is our only relief.

I cried through many of the early days of Motherhood. I cried when my daughter cried, when I dealt with aspects of my own version of PPD (mine was more anxiety, but still ... I cried), and when the child would just not settle down.

I have cried when I've lost loved ones. Family members to death, friends to life. I cried when I was pregnant and had the worst headaches ever. Where Tylenol did sh!t for me, and I sat there, sipping a can of Coke (yes, regular) crying my eyes out as my only relief. And you know what? It worked!

I cry on the phone with my mom, when I leave my parents' home to return to NC, when they come to visit and leave us to head home. I am a crier. I get it from my mom. Sssh, don't tell anyone, but my brother is like us, too.

I cry when people pi$$ me off. I cry when I'm terribly angry. I cry when I'm disappointed. I cry when I'm surprised. Waterworks are a way for me to feel, and I open myself up to them when I need to.

Do you cry? When's the last time you had a really good cry? If you feel you need one after this, just let me know. I'm sure I have a movie I can refer you to (yes, I cry at movies. I'm human, after all!) to get those tears flowing!

Don't tell anyone, but the last few times my daughter watched Annie I found myself in tears. What can ya' do, ya know?

Wordless Wednesday ~ News Flash: Champion!

You Know You're a Mom When ...

* You look for your "lunch-bag" to bring to class, cannot find it so bring your lunch and snacks to class in your Avent Breast Pump bag. (What? It's *like* a cooler!)

That's all I've got for tonight. I'm exhausted, and I just thought that I had to share this, as, yes, it actually did happen to me today. I brought my lunch, snacks, drinks, etc. to my CEU class today in an Avent bag. The bag that I used for my breast pump, bottles, breast milk storage bags and much more nursing paraphernalia.

You wanna make somethin' of it? ;)

Muffin Tin Monday!

Happy Muffin Tin Monday!

I was so glad to head on over and see that themes are on a break for the summer! Which means less guilt for me when I share my MTM meals/snacks here with you all! :)




Our most recent MTM snack consisted of shredded turkey (or was it chicken?) cold cuts and mini-cuts of string cheese! Quite yum!

If you're interested in participating in Muffin Tin Mondays, head on over to Michelle's for more info! Happy Snacking!

Memory Lane Fridays

This week's theme at Memory Lane Fridays is: A Time You Were Scared. Brace yourselves, bloggy-peeps, this is an interesting reflection.

I barely even remember exactly how old I was. It was probably high school. My mom was dropping me off at my uncle's pharmacy in Brooklyn so I could spend time with my cousin and her family as we went *somewhere* (no idea where we were supposed to be going) to see her participate in some kind of pageant (yes, beauty, again, not truly recollecting this all!) that weekend.

Mom pulled up to the corner, I popped out and left her and my brother inside. Went in, started talking to my uncle behind the counter, and in a flash there was a gunman present. I wish I was kidding, but I'm totally not. I don't even have to close my eyes to remember what he looked like. Crazy how the mind works.

Anyway, he came in with some large automatic weapon of sorts. I have a memory of being corralled behind the counter, and I also remember taking a small wallet-type item (almost like an ID holder) that was stuffed with my ca$h for the weekend and shoving it into my boot. What the he!! was I thinking? Honestly, I didn't want him to take my money!

He lined us up and checked us for jewelry. I had on a small, silver (probably not even real) Chai on a black rope necklace. And I'm not talking about Chai tea here. But if you don't know what this is, let me educate you in Jewish culture.


That's a Chai. You don't say the CH like in CHEW. It's more like the word "high," but with that Jewish "chchch" sound. Don't know many Jewish people? I'll have to do a recording for you. ;)

Chai means life. And don't think I didn't think of that as this man flipped my necklace on my neck and shrugged it off. To him it was worthless, to me, it meant WAY more than the definition of life.

Was I scared? For myself, honestly, no. The only thing I feared was that my mother or my little brother would come through that door. Seriously. I thought my brother would walk through the front door and all I did was pray, send mental notes and vibes to my mother and brother, asking them to PLEASE stay in their car.

It was a crazy rush, but eventually the man went towards the front, and many of us ran out the back door and down the streets behind the store. We wound up at someone's home (a neighborhood woman took us in) and I didn't want to call my dad, my mom did not have a cell phone and so I called my best friend's boyfriend. He was a pharmacist, as was my uncle. He was also older, and so I didn't know who else to call. So I called him. And he came. And eventually I was back at the store, my mom terrified when they couldn't find me. My uncle had been grazed by a bullet, and the man was eventually caught - at least I think he was. Or maybe I just like to think so.

Anyway, that's my scared moment. It truly sucked. I'll never forget it. It definitely took some time to adjust to hearing a car backfiring back then, because I do remember the sound of gunshots. I think the reason I called my friend's boyfriend was that I was terrified myself that something might have happened to my mom or brother. Fortunately they were still in the car, safe and waiting. I like to think my brother heard me bitching at him in my head and stayed put because of it.

I also like to think that a little symbol of life saved mine.

Writer's Workshop: How Can I Choose?

Look at these prompts:

1. Soundtrack of your life: Pick 10 songs that you would have on a soundtrack for your life, pick a line from each that you most identify with and write a short statement of why this song made it. (Song #)
2. Before I was a mom.
3. What would it take? Write an imaginary scene where someone you are still angry with finally deserves to be forgiven.
4. 30 things you vow to do this summer. [#]
5. The ultimate honey-do list. If your spouse agreed to do any ten things you asked, what would they be?

How can I choose? I want to do them all. Seriously. Can I? Is that allowed? Will you all kill me? Okay, Okay. I probably won't do them all. Maybe just four out of five? Maybe I'll turn them all into a story? How's that sound? Sounds great to me, now let's see if I'm imaginative enough to do it!

* I'm Hot and I'm Cold ... mostly hot. (Song 1)
As we need to get our AC checked before the summer truly hits us. [1] As if it hasn't already. My hubby needs to follow up with the AC people, as they're obviously not calling us back! I was just thinking last night that when I was pregnant I would take a cool shower and just lay there on my bed in a towel, nothing to rush to, no place to be. No need for extra clothing. (TMI? Sorry!) We also need to decide if we're truly joining a pool club. [2] Oh, how I'd love that. But now with the extra expense of the AC issue, well, we'll see.

* Beautiful ... (Song 2)
Yes, I am. Although I'd love to get on a healthier eating track this summer. [3] And lose a few pounds. [4] And actually find a way to work out that I enjoy! [5] And my blog is beautiful, too. But I'd love to finally get a button [6] and maybe a more personalized header of some sort! [7]

* Taking Chances (Song 3)
Why the heck not, right? I'm hoping to try tubing [8] again this summer when we head up to visit the ILs in Maine. Maybe this time I'll even get into that Sumo thing we have. [9]


Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about ...

* I'm Just Here for the Music (Song 4)
GO DANCING! [10] It has been WAY too long since I've been out dancing. Why has it been that long? I miss it. I love music, I love dancing, I love moving like that. I love dressing up like I did before I became the me of today. I used to go out all the time, back in the day. How to get one of those kinds of nights thrown into the mix? Have hubby watch the child for the night and just get on out. With friends. Here in NC. Visiting in NYC? Doesn't matter, just get out there and MOVE!

* Chasing Pavements (Song 5)
Find a way, whether it's this summer or whenever, to get out there in the city when we're visiting my family in Brooklyn. [11] Get to Manhattan, bring the kiddo with us and cross the Brooklyn Bridge, walk around Central Park. Something - anything - to share with her the life I lived before I was her mom.

* Unwritten (Song 6)
Write. [12] End of story. Just write.

* Bubbly (Song 7)
Take more time to blow bubbles with my little girl. More bubbles [13]; walks [14]; water play [15]; and kicking around a soccer ball! [16] I'd also like to work on teaching her to swim. [17]And potty-training. [18] And lower case letters. [19]

* Put Your Records On (Song 8)
Spend more time dancing [20] and singing [21] and teaching her new and old songs! [22] Capture her more on the camera [23] and actually print out photos (started by receiving 150 prints in the mail today!) and record her dancing and singing! [24]

* What About Now? (Song 9)
It's the time to be the real me. The best me. Time to read as much as I want to (and actually can!) [25], talk with friends openly and honestly [26], and find ways to get out there and HELP people. Volunteer more [27], as I used to do, back in the day. True, now I volunteer every day for a mommies' group I am a part of, and then some, but do more for people in need. Find a way to get my daughter involved in some sort of volunteer activity. [28]

* And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going ... (Song 10)
Not that you thought that I would be, but I'm going to stick around the blogosphere for as long as I enjoy this experience, and as long as you, my friends, will have me. [29]

And on that note, head on over to Mama Kat's to link up your own writer's workshop post.

Oh, #30? You're asking? Well -- I have to leave at least ONE thing to your imagination, right? And mine. We can't have it all planned out. What fun would that be?

Pour Your Heart Out

My heart is open to many. My heart is open to you when I first *meet* you, unless you cross me in some way. In which case my heart will close. You may work to regain my trust, but my heart will not feel for you in the same way.

I'm participating in Shell's Pour Your Heart Out this week, because I have a little something on my mind. Love.

What do you define the word love as meaning?

For me, I love my parents, I love my brother. I've never known a day when I didn't love them. I grew to love my husband, we started as friends, and I can't say I loved him from the moment I met him, because - well, first of all, that'd be bad, as I was supposedly in love with someone else then. But eventually I found myself loving him.

I'll admit it, I didn't say it first. I waited. A few hours, even. I just felt overwhelmed and couldn't respond with an "I love you, too." It felt contrived. So I waited, and when it came out he knew I meant it.

My child, G-d, how I love this kid. Despite all the moments she has driven me to drink and then some, I love her with my whole heart. I can remember when she was born telling my husband how amazed I was at the love that could be felt for her so quickly. I also remember him saying something back that amazed me a bit. He said he loved me that much. That unconditional love I felt for my child, my husband was offering to me. I think to myself how often our other halves get under our skin. How much we struggle with the day-to-day of being parents together, thinking about the critical aspects of maintaining a family, and how love sometimes pretends to be hiding, makes you think she's disappeared.

But she never does. She's always there. She is the reason we get through the mundane things every day, the reason we're cool with letting the other do what they sometimes want and sometimes need to do. She's the reason my husband would drive me to the moon, despite likely thinking - Damn, I wish this woman would get her driver's license, already! She's the reason I tolerate the socks shoved into the couch, the glasses on the SIDE of the sink and the laundry all over his side of our bedroom floor.

Love is the reason I reach over and cover his hand with mine when we're driving around trying to get the child to nap in the car. The reason I still offer him the tip of my ice cream cone when I'm done with the rest of it, even if he doesn't want it. The reason he rubs my foot (yeah, it's usually just one) when I ask him to, or my neck if I keep on asking.

Love is love. It's unconditional, it's powerful, it's thought-provoking and it's real.

Did you bid on anything at Duck Fest?

If you did, check this list regularly, as we'll be updating the winners as they come in:




As for my big bundle of books, the winner is DAFFY FROM BATCRAP CRAZY!!!

Congrats, Daffy! I'll be emailing you shortly!

Thanks to everyone who donated. We've reached a total of over $1000 towards the JD Scholarship Fund.

Manic Monday

This morning I woke up after a Benadryl induced coma good and solid night's sleep, to find my daughter crawling into bed with me.

First thing she says is, "Mommy, I love you want to play games."

I love you, too, Sweetheart ... maybe later.

Then she continues talking. Something about the dog. I open my eyes again. What? Something about the dog!?! What!? WHAT!?!

Yes, say it with me: "SHE LET THE DOG OUT!"
[Who? Who? Who-Who-WHO?]
{Don't judge me, you sang it in your head, too.}

My daughter, all of three+ years old, came downstairs while I slept soundly and let our dog out into the backyard. I didn't believe her. I shook my head, shook myself awake and went to the bathroom (odd reaction, you say? Well, hush -- here's why!) and looked out the window. There he was. Happy as a clam (what does that mean? Are clams truly happy? And if so, why? I should have picked happy as a pig in sh!t, cause we all can tell that's true)! Laying down on the concrete, just within my view.

Oh geez. She really did it. What the heck!?! Did she leave the door open? (Read = are all the cats gone now, too? I just saw one, so she's OK, there's another, what about the rest?)

Come downstairs before washing my face, goopy-eyed and all, and thank G-d the door was closed. Not super tightly, but closed. And THAT, my friends, was how my Manic Monday began! Here's to a stress-free week!!!

Things I Never Thought I'd Have to Say

* The kitchen is not really a place for pooping.

* It's not very nice to have your finger in your nose.

* Can you PLEASE say hi to (fill in the blank) ... your cousin? Nana? Meme?

* Bugs are not for breakfast. Bugs are for snack time.

* I don't have Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Let's watch something else.

* Did you poop? Are you pooping?
Or any variation of this as many times daily as I do.

* Don't sit down, you'll squish it!

* You cannot have another yogurt!

* You don't need to wear contacts (you're only three, enjoy this time, would you!?! Because if you end up with eyes like mine it won't be long now ...)

* You CAN do it yourself. Yes. You CAN.

Don't forget about Duck Fest!!!

Just a reminder about Duck Fest. For those of you who haven't heard about it, you're missing out, people!!!

Here's a direct link to my own raffle: A Bundle of Books!

For just $1 you can win four great titles. Check 'em out!

And for $1 per entry, there are over 30 other raffles happening right now, as well, so check them out, too!



Help make a difference!

All it takes is ONE BUCK FOR THE DUCK!

Redecorating ...?

Did you know it's Friday Follow Day? I figured what better kind of post than this to show any new friends how much I like to talk. And streamline my thoughts when I post. Head on over by clicking the airplane button above for more info and to meet new friends!

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming:

** I originally wrote this post a few weeks ago, which is obvious, as our possible yard sale is now TOMORROW. I just got overwhelmed with the ups and downs of bloggy world, and held back from posting until today. I'm still itching to redecorate, though, so we'll see what happens this weekend!**

Ah, Redecorating ... Nope, not the blog this time. My house.

We got a flier in our mailbox yesterday telling us that our community yard sale is going to be held on June 6th. Or the 5th. Whatever - it's two weeks away. That's better notice than the usual 1 week they've given us. And no, I'm not kidding.

Anyway, hubby and I have been talking about ridding our lives of these ... OK, so I was supposed to post a picture of DVD holders here, but I am too damned lazy to do that for this post. They're skinny and tall, and shake whenever the child goes near them. Preemptive damage control has us wanting to get rid of them, asap.

And I mentioned to him that maybe we could sell them at the yard sale. But for how much? I said we charge two for $20, and let them haggle us down to $10. He said start at $10. Maybe we'll meet in the middle at $15? We want them gone because the child has regressed, and is attracted to DVDs again, but now she goes for her own, and these things are so not stable. At all.

Anyway, where the heck would we then put our DVDs? We have a flatscreen, and it's on a Corner TV Stand, from IKEA. I think ... it's pretty old, so I forget where it's from. It's not as low as the one in the link, but it has a door on it, and a section that *should* be shelves, but they're missing, so we have a small table in there that holds the cable box and the DVD/VHS player. So, where are your DVDs? Do you have shelves? I'd love something like this but for DVDs! It's almost like artwork! And yet, there is no way in heck I'd be climbing over things and stretching up to the wall to reach my entertainment options. Who am I kidding?

I also really want to bring some of the toys that are in this same living room and get them upstairs into what is currently our office, and turn that into a playroom. I've been saying that for months, now, but the office is now our laundry room since our dryer isn't working (and hasn't been for months, anyone have a dryer you absolutely LOVE and think I must purchase? Tell me now!) and so the drying rack is in the office. And what to do with hubby's desk that's up there, as well? Maybe it stays in the "playroom," who knows?

And I can't exactly relocate our laundry to the guest room just yet, considering my friends and I are dismantling our business, and so I've been using that room to sort through inventory out of the reach of tiny little furry paws. But maybe June will be the month of cleaning and organizing? And then maybe we'll even tackle half of the garage. Yeah, just half. One half has shelves and whatnot that I can barely get to. The other half has our boat. Hubby did mention putting a huge tag on that, as well, but I'm thinking nobody's going to be carrying that kind of cash on a Saturday morning!

Lastly, should I get something like this bookshelf for the supposed-future-playroom? Or should I get my daughter a kids' picnic table instead? We already have a bookshelf that my in-laws made for her, but the kid has so many books it's beyond being remotely funny. Think I'm bad? Yeah, well, I am. I'm just worse when it comes to her! Maybe instead of the bookshelf thing I'll go with the picnic table (anyone have one from Little Tikes? Like this one? Do you love it?) and try to get these rain gutter bookshelves that my friend Gabby has for her lil man done someday. I'd SO love to, but think hubby would be ready to kill me! They're super cute, though, aren't they?

Anyway, that's that. I'm all over the place, but felt like rambling. Take any question I've asked here and feel free to answer in the comments, or answer them all, whatever suits you. Thanks for listening. And I'll keep you posted on my decorating dilemmas.

DUCK FEST HAS BEGUN!!!!

DUCK FEST IS HERE!!!

If you haven't seen my post yet on what I'm raffling off for Duck Fest, head HERE IMMEDIATELY!!!

And if you haven't seen everyone else's stuff available, check out the links below:

Now let's get that money rolling in!!!

Writer's Workshop: You don't bring me flowers

Apparently it was me. Entirely my fault.

Despite the fact that my mother had been undergoing radiation for cancer, and that I lived 500 miles away, and was barely in NY long enough to blink, it was me. All me. Entirely my fault that my friendships were suffering. Scratch that, two of my many friendships were suffering.

See, I moved on. I kept living my life here in NC. When I went home to be with family, that was what was my priority. Family. With a capital F. You get the picture.

And that last time, that last time I spent a few days at home with my family, with my mother, who could barely speak, and my husband, who was working at his company's NYC office nearly every second we were in town, it was entirely my fault that I did not get to see my friends. My former friends.

See, what happened was, I returned home, after a precious visit with family, and I wrote letters to all three of my very best friends. One of them thanked me. For my beautiful sentiment. The way I shared how important she was to me. And how I hoped that the next time I was in town, everyone would be well and I'd find a way to see her. Somehow.

The other two? Not so much. I sent their letters off into snail mail (seriously, I did, I even used stamps!) and never heard a peep. Not a word. Not a thank you. Not a 'we miss you, too.' Nothing.

Until a few weeks later, I forwarded on some recent pictures of my beautiful baby girl. Look at her, I said. Isn't it crazy how red her hair looks? Isn't it crazy how much she's grown? Isn't it crazy ... that the two responses I received (via e-mail) were nearly identical? Might as well have been word for word, but they did put their own spins on them. And yet, so little mention of my child. Not a word about my mom.

Just:

*I don't know how you can think you still care about us when you make no effort.*

Huh?

*I'll never put you before anyone in my life again.* (paraphrasing here, the true words sting too much, still)

And ...

*What if I were traveling to NC and didn't come to see you? That would be the same thing!*

Uh, no. No it wouldn't.

And so I was done. Completely and utterly done. I backed away. Hysterical. Tears flowing. I called my husband, said a lot of curse words, and walked away. I never picked up the phone, sent another letter or responded to that e-mail. Those e-mails.

Because you know what? All that time, all the time I tried to maintain what had existed before, it was a waste. Because you stopped bringing me flowers long ago. You stopped writing me love songs. You stopped being my true friend. My mom had cancer. CANCER. And I wasn't a good enough friend to YOU? It's OK. I get it. I got it then and I get it now. Life pulls people apart. North Carolina took me away from you ladies. But long before the moment you sent your e-mails, you lost your grip. On life. On love. On me.

Perhaps it was too much to handle, and that's why I wound up with the brunt of it? But obviously you knew you had to stand your ground, too. You had to stay strong, not bend, and think to yourself, she must know how wrong she is, and she'll come around eventually. And so you didn't write. You didn't call. And neither did I. And here we are, still at a standstill (for the most part for one, and entirely for the other) and here we shall remain.

Friends no more.

Wordless Wednesday!