White Chicken Chili for Sabroso Saturday!

I'm not too late for today's Sabroso (Tasty!) Saturday link-up. I had this post written earlier this week, but I blanked on submitting it this morning, so here it is. Enjoy!

A totally Lazy Mom way to make White Chicken Chili!

When you look at the ingredients list and see that it's totally a batch of canned items you won't be surprised. You'll just figure that I was too lazy (who, me?) to do beans from "scratch" and take forever. RIght?

White Chicken Chili in the Crock Pot

- chicken (I used store-bought rotisserie and shredded it)
- 1 can Northern Beans, 1 can Navy beans
- 1 can hominy, 1 can white corn (only called for 1 but I did both)
- 1 can chicken broth, 1 can cream of chicken soup (probably could have done w/o one to make it less soupy)
- 1 pks taco seasoning
- 1/4 c sour cream before serving (mix in)

I left out the 1 can of chopped green chilies and decided not to add cheese, and no scallions (hubby isn't an onion or scallion fan), but I think sauteed onions would be SO good in this. Mmmn.

Toss it into the CP [mix chicken broth/cream soup/taco seasoning together before pouring on top of other ingredients] and cook all day. I made such a huge batch I probably should have done two pkgs of taco seasoning, to give it more kick and flavor, but it turned out really yum.

Since it was a little soup-y and I didn't want to make rice I decided to serve it with corn muffins. I usually use the Jiffy brand, but went store brand this time. We broke them up and scooped the chili over it and it was perfect.

It's not crazy spicy, like a typical chili might be, but it was really good. The recipe called for chiles, but I passed on those as I'm a wimp, and I thought for sure that my hubby would add hot sauce when he had some for dinner, but he didn't! Perfect!

I got the recipe here: http://www.food.com/recipe/crock-pot-white-chicken-chili-114789
... and I tweaked it a little bit to make it work for me and my family.

Trapped ...

I tried to focus as I opened my eyes. Where was I? What happened? My body shivered beneath the old afghan I was wrapped up in. "Hey, you're awake. Thank goodness."

I squinted as the light reflected off the mounds of snow outside the back window. He stepped closer and his face came into focus.

"Matty?"

"Yeah, it's okay. You're going to be alright. Here, drink this," he said softly, as he handed me a steaming mug. I waved him off, the effort almost too much for my body to bear. My breathing labored as I tried to speak.

"What happened?"

"You passed out. Or something. I don't know. The line went dead so I drove over here as fast as I could."

"We were on the phone?" He nodded. "I don't remember." He gave me a shy smile as he helped me up. "Was it snowing?" Another nod. "How did you get here?" He laughed. I should have known better than to ask. Matty was always up in all kinds of dangerous behavior. A little snow wouldn't stop him.

I turned to the window. This was not a little snow.

I looked around the living room. The fireplace glowed and the cats were snuggled up on top of each other on the rug in front of it. One raised his fluffy little head to look at me, settling back down shortly after.

"Useless," I laughed, but it hurt. "Here, let me help you sit up." I moved slowly, leaning on him for support. My labored breathing caught me by surprise. Was it the pain, or being so close to him? What was he even doing here? I was on the phone with him? Matty and I hadn't spoken in ages.

"Matt ... why did I? Why were we ...?" He laughed as I struggled for words. "I called you?" I finally blurted.

"Sort of. I don't know - it may have been an accident. I think your butt dialed me, or something. All I know is I said hello, and eventually you answered, but then you sounded funny, and the line went dead."

"So you came straight over? How did you even know? How did you get in?"

"I still have my key," he answered without looking at me. "I guess I should have given it back, but I ..." I started shaking my head. "You didn't answer so I came in. Found you on the floor over there." He nodded towards my kitchen. I couldn't remember any of it. "Anyway, with the snow coming as hard and fast as it was, I didn't know who else to call or what else to do. So here I am."

"Do I need a doctor?"

"I don't think so. I don't know. But even if you do, we can't go anywhere. We're totally snowed in." I heard him whistle softly. "For a while," he added.

"Oh."

"Think you can try to drink this now?"

"What is it?"

"Warm water with lemon and honey. Didn't quite know what else to make. You should try to sip it at least." I nodded and he came closer. "Here," he placed the mug in my shaking hands and wrapped his hands around mine. Slowly, together, we lifted the mug to my lips.

Have his eyes always been so blue? I shivered.

"I'm okay. I mean, I've got it." I looked down to our entwined hands. He didn't let go. "Matt."

"Uh, yeah." He stood up quickly. "So, what do you have as far as supplies in this place, anyway?" I looked up at him. "Bottled water?" I shook my head. "Canned goods?" I shrugged. "Flashlights?" I think I laughed, but I can't be sure.

"Candles. I've got loads of candles."

"Great!" He jumped up. "Where?"

"Most of them are upstairs. In the closet next to the ..." My voice trailed off.

"I'll find them." He practically bolted out of my line of sight.

I stood up slowly and made my way to the rug, picking up one cat and then the other. "You traitors," I whispered. "He's here like ten minutes and you're already eating out of his hand, aren't you?" They purred against my touch. "Traitors, the both of you."

"Ehem." I looked up. "Sorry." I could swear I saw a slight blush creep up from beneath his collar. "They remembered me, I guess." I nodded. "I found these, these okay?" He held up some pillared candles. I think I shrugged. Could he remember when we last used those? The last time he walked up those stairs, the last time he was in my house? Did he remember any of it?

"Matches?"

"Huh?" I drifted back to reality.

"Matches?"

"In the kitchen, the drawers --" He didn't need me to say more. He knew. Things had not changed that much since he was here last. People don't change that much that they move around where they keep their stash of matches, right?

He set everything on the kitchen island, to have at the ready for later. Later. Was he really stuck here? Seriously snowed in? We made eye contact.

"So, the radio declared a state of emergency, and they've asked everyone to stay off the roads." It was as though he had read my mind. I nodded. "Looks like you're stuck with me, kid." That sheepish grin again. I could do this. I could totally do this. Right?

"So, what's for dinner?" I asked. He laughed. I watched him pull a bunch of seemingly bizarre items out of a huge duffel bag. "Yours? What did you ...?"

"Ah, I'm always prepared, ya know?" I shook my head. "I was supposed to be going hiking this weekend. Yes, in the snowy weather. Didn't expect it to be quite this bad."

"I ruined your plans."

"Nah, Mother Nature did that. You gave me something else to do." He winked.

I could totally do this.

I was totally going to do this.

Right?

** This has been written for this week's writing prompt over at the red dress club. **

Blizzard Bloghop 2010!

Well, holy wow! I was on the phone with my mom for like an hour, came back and am starting my post for the Blizzard Bloghop, and looks like there are already 67, yes, you read that right, people, sixty-seven people linked up.

I'm so excited, and I hope that loads of you have come by to say hi and meet your fellow BB participant, meaning = me!

Anyway, if this is your first time here, welcome! Welcome! I've got dinner cooking in the crockpot and water is ready for tea. I hope you like chai, but if you don't, no worries. I've got about 100 different kinds on-hand. And yes, I'm totally serious.

Although the one thing I don't have in my house, which is probably a good thing, is sweet tea. Mind you, I am a fairly new Southern girl, but I'm a big sweet tea drinker, and if it were something I could make easily I'd probably be living off of it. And that sure as heck wouldn't help me fit into my skinny pants. Not that I'm always so sure that I want to ... conundrum, anyone?

I love to read, and I love a good meme, and I especially love when I can combine the two!

I enjoy cooking, baking and eating (go figure) and have recently started posting recipes regularly. Sometimes part of weekly memes, sometimes just 'cause.

I am mom of a not-quite-4-year-old --> going on 14-year-old --> and some days I think I'll lose my mind, but other days there is nothing I love more than being a mom.

Anyway, thanks SO much for stopping by. I hope I haven't bored you to tears with too many links, and if you don't click them, or only click a few and stop there, it's okay, I promise I won't be insulted and go all Brooklyn on you or anything. Oh, yeah, did you miss that? I'm a native NYC girl. You can take the girl out of Brooklyn, but you can't take Brooklyn out of the girl. Or something like that.

But I'm a sweet girl. I've even had someone say so. As in, "YOU'RE from NY CITY? But you're so ... NICE."

EX-SQUEEZE-ME?

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Why I want to lose weight ...

Someone asked this recently of me and I posted the following in response:

I want to lose weight ...

* So I can look at myself and know I'm my healthiest ME!
* So I can breathe more easily when doing simple things.
* So I can shop in stores that have a variety of sizes and clothing to choose from.
* So I can have smaller boobs.
* And better/nicer/more supportive bras.
* So I can finally look at the scale and see it drop below a number I haven't seen in years.
* So I can have enough energy to play with my daughter now and in years to come.
* So I can one day take her to Disney or some other amusement park and FIT in the seats with her and not worry about weight limits.
* So I don't have to worry about sitting in an airplane seat.
* So I can look at my naked or fully clothed COMPLETE body in a mirror and say, wow, I did it. I finally did it.
* So I can be more than 'such a pretty face.'

Once I finished this list I was almost near tears. I'm in awe of my reasoning and I needed to share with all of you (writing this post way in advance and saving it to Pour my Heart Out with Shell) and say it for real and see it on my blog, in my space, so I can remember that THIS is why I'm trying again. This is why I am moving more, eating better and working on my own mind to remind myself I CAN do this.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with my bloggy peeps. Please remind me of these reasons when the day comes that I sit and say I just can't do this. Because I know it'll come. It'll suck, but it'll come. And I'll keep trying. Persevere, so on and so forth. But I also will fail, start again, etc. and I'm so tired of failing. So tired of letting myself lose, let the weight win. So here we go again, I suppose. I'm working it. We'll see if my body and my mind work with me.

Addendum:
So I'm re-reading this post before I hit publish, and I have had some other thoughts about this, as well. It'll come off as my having a dual personality, I'm sure, but I'm going to share them, anyway.

See, as much as I do want to lose weight, be healthier, and so much more, I've also spent loads of time learning to accept myself for who I am. Learning to love me for being me. And when the question is asked whether people can actually be happy being fat. Whether people are just fat and happy. It's a tough one, isn't it? I mean, so many people look at overweight people and say, damn, how could they WANT to be like that? And do they? Do I?

I don't. I know I don't. I know the rest of this will sound somewhat off-track or totally not the case for me, as I am trying to lose some weight. But I am that kind of person, in some ways.

But at the same time, I'm also so tired of forcing myself to put things off until I'm thin, hold off on doing things til the weight is dropped, and so much more. Why shouldn't I live my life, too, ya know?

I am happy with who I am. I am - okay - maybe not thrilled with my weight, but I have come to terms with it in many ways and I am okay enough with it to let myself be happy. I'm fat, I'm obese, I'm whatever you want to use for the description, and while those words sting when someone else uses them, I'd prefer heavy-set, but I know I'm way heavier than that, I'm recognizing it and I'm okay with it.

But I want to be healthier, so that is the one thing that says, you know, this extra weight you're carrying around, it's not really for you. Your 5' 2" frame? Not supposed to be quite where the scale lands for you every week. Am I expecting to be down to the 122-125 lbs that THEY say I should be? He!! no. So I know that I'll always be fat or overweight, even at what may end up being my skinniest. And for me, if I'm not happy with that - well - it'll be the end of the hard work I've put into being who I am and accepting her, aka ME, ya know?

And in another respect, if I was unhappy I think I wouldn't let myself have that extra piece of chocolate or that oatmeal cookie. And I do. I do and most of the time I am okay with that. Not always, which, obviously, is why I am here, but much of the time I know that I am who I am and that's OK.

I'm rambling, and I don't mean to be lecturing, just wanted to share my own take.

So, anyone else thinking that Andrea has two people inside? The fat and happy girl, and the fat and unhappy girl. How to meld the two? Lose the weight I want to lose, without feeling I need to go further just because the charts and demographics say so. And then wait and see. Everything isn't going to fall into place if I lose weight. I still won't be driving, and I'll still have anxiety, and I'll still be me. So while trying to get to where I want to be body-wise, I'd also love to continue loving me. Because - lest I forget - I'm the only me I'm ever going to get to be.

PINT: I'm finally posting again!

Head on over here if you want to link up to today's PINT:

Lazy Mom Recipe: Coconut and Peanut Chicken

It's Sabroso Saturday!

As explained in the link-up, Sabroso Saturday means Tasty Saturday. This is the day when we all share recipes that have helped us stretch our budget, our imagination AND our taste buds, without sacrificing our health!

If you follow me on Twitter you saw that I tweeted one night last week (or was it two weeks ago?) about the most delicious meal I have made in I don't know how long. The kind that I ate that night, the next day, and the day after that. I totally cheated, as it's a recipe on the can and packet of ingredients I used, but it was SO good that I had to share.

Coconut and Peanut Chicken

3 chicken breasts *mine were pretty thick so I cut them in chunks/strips/whatever works*
1 can of coconut milk
1 package of Thai peanut sauce mix (with two small packets inside)

- Pour coconut milk into corningware/baking dish, add peanut sauce mix and whisk together.

- Place chicken in mixture and coat all sides

- It's immediately READY TO BAKE. You can let it soak a bit - which I did as the oven preheated, but otherwise I just popped that baby in there and mmmn.

I added frozen peas to the main dish, and made a huge pot of brown rice for the rest of the meal.

It bakes at 350* for like 30 minutes or so, until your chicken is cooked, and it is SO GOOD.

Seriously, SO good.

Let it sit a bit after you cook it so the sauce thickens some and it's less soupy when you top your rice with it. You could probably make it with egg noodles, and have it be a pseudo-pad-thai type of a meal, as well.

I could eat the sauce with the rice all day long. And I think I have. I had one serving left after two days, and I'll was totally about ready to eat it for breakfast!

The recipe was on the coconut milk can and the seasoning packet for the sauce, I just tweaked it a little bit. Ah, heaven. Enjoy!

Oh, and in case you haven't yet seen the recipe I posted on Thursday for Share a Spoon, check it out here: Pumpkin Oatmeal = another dose of complete heaven ... SOOO good.

A spot of dialogue ...

"It's impossible."

"What do you mean? Nothing's impossible."

"This is. It really is."

"There has to be a way."

"No. No. I don't think so."

"I'm sure of it."

"I'm glad you are. I'm so totally not."

"Try it on."

"Why bother?"

"Just try it ON."

I sighed. She was such a determined bitch, my best friend.

"Whatever. It's not going to fit."

"Just shut up and try it on, would you?"

I slid behind the dressing room curtain. Slipped out of my sweats and slipped the dress over my head.

"Sonofa ..."

"It fits, doesn't it?"

"Shut up."

She tugged at the curtain and I pulled it back, across my body.

"Let me in."

"Shut up and go away."

"Let me in, or I'm coming in anyway."

I let go of the curtain.

"It fits," I whispered softly.

"You look beautiful."

I looked up at her, the both of us crying now.

"I can't believe it."

"I told you it would."

"I can't believe it."

The tears flowed freely between us.

"Stop it before you ruin the dress."

"Get out of here."

"Whatever."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Now get out."

"Fine."

"Bitch."

"Back atcha."

She slipped out to the other side of the curtain. I stood there for a minute, maybe more. Looking in the mirror. The dress fit. I really did look beautiful. I couldn't believe it.

Slowly I realized I had been holding my breath. I smiled at my reflection and let it go.

This piece has been a part of today's writing prompt at the red dress club. Feel free to link up by clicking below:

Lazy Mom Shares a Spoon: Quickies!

I made this the other night and have eaten it for dinner and then a few breakfasts since. It is SO good. And I am so excited, because it's from Aarti Party!

2 c water
2 c almond milk (I used Vanilla Soy)
1 can pumpkin
2 c quick cooking oatmeal
3/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice (I doubled this as I didn't use any natural seasoning/spices and added a splash or two of cinnamon)
raisins (she calls for a minimal amount, but I used two snack sized boxes)
splash of salt

- mix water, milk and pumpkin to a boil. Add salt and pumpkin pie spice.
- Once boiling add oatmeal and stir gently. Lower heat.
- There was no brown sugar in her recipe, but I always like to add a small handful to oatmeal, so I did that, too.
- Cook for as long as your oatmeal requires, it was about 15 minutes for me, give or take. I also added in slivered almonds.

OMG, it is SO good. Seriously. I made this in a huge pot and definitely had at least 3 more servings left after we'd probably eaten about 3-4 svgs, so it's something that could last you through the week, if you're up for it. I may have to make this weekly, or every other week, so I don't get tired of it. Yum.

This recipe is linked up with the quick meals over at Share a Spoon today, so head on over and check it out at Think Tank Momma's house.

100 Things ...

1. I don't have my driver's license.
2. I am a grammar fiend.
3. I have 4 cats and a dog.
   
4. We lost two of our cats to illness and I miss them terribly.
   
5. I'm easily distracted when I don't want to be doing something.
6. My daughter is the greatest joy I could ever imagine.
   
7. And she amazes me with each new thing she learns behind my back (or so it seems).
8. I stay up way too late putzing around online nearly every. single. night.
9. I love chocolate, but I love vanilla ice cream more than chocolate ice cream.
10. I miss New York City more than my words can define.
    
11. I really miss the pizza and bagels, not to be confused with a pizza bagel.
    
12. I wish I had enough money to take my entire family (parents, Brother/SIL/niece and me/hubby/child) on a cruise to somewhere to celebrate my family.
13. I've never been to Barcelona but it's at the top of my list of "must sees" for my life.
    
14. I love to speak Spanish.
    
15. I'm fairly fluent in American Sign Language, but I'm really out of practice.
    
16. I am a licensed clinical social worker in the state of North Carolina.
17. I haven't worked AS a social worker since 2006, in the state of New York.
    
18. I miss working.
19. But not the office politics.
    
20. I miss helping people the way I used to and hope to get back to it someday.
21. I can knit a basic stitch but really wish I knew what I was doing and could make something besides a sort of scarf.
    
22. I love to read and devour books.
    
23. I crack my knuckles regularly. It's an awful habit and I've taught my daughter to tell me to stop doing it when she hears me.
    
24. I lost my virginity in another country.
    
25. I miss my best friend from back home and truly wish she lived close enough that we could walk into each others houses without blinking.
    
26. I hope to someday find that kind of relationship where I am currently living.
27. I am Jewish.
    
28. My father was born in Germany and lived in Israel as a young boy, and me, I hope to someday get to visit Israel.
    
29. I hate guns and violence.
    
30. I was once in a hold up at my Uncle's pharmacy.
31. The man came close enough to look at the chain on my neck.
    
32. I was stupid enough to take my mini-wallet out of my pocket and hide it in my boot.
    
33. All I can remember from that day was praying my brother would not walk through that front door.
    
34. I fell out of a moving car once.
    
35. And all I remember from that moment was pushing my brother off of me and back into the car so he wouldn't fall out, too.
    
36. I saved my brother from a guy trying to steal his bike once.
    
37. I love my brother to pieces and would protect him with all that I am.
38. Although I did lock him and his best friend out of my parents' house once.
39. I was with my best friend, who was my brother's best friend's sister. We kind of got in trouble for that.
    
40. I love polar bears.
    
41. My husband and I got engaged near the polar bears at the Central Park Zoo.
    
42. I do not eat beef or pork.
43. I do eat chicken and turkey.
44. I do not eat fish, especially shrimp. Blech.
45. I have never been to Disney with my family.
    
46. One of my dreams is to get my mom there someday.
47. I have been parasailing.
    
48. It was the most relaxing moment of my entire life.
49. I have donated my hair several times.
50. My all time favorite movie is Dirty Dancing.
    
51. My fave line from that movie is "I carried a watermelon," - Surprised you, didn't I?
52. The TV show I have been watching my entire life is General Hospital.
53. The best book I read in 2010 was The Help.
    
54. I read about 60 books in 2010.
    
55. I probably saw about 4 movies.
    
56. I love movies, I just don't get to see them anymore.
    
57. My fave trilogy is Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen.
    
58. George Clooney is #1 on my "list" and will be for a long time to come.
    
59. Mark Wahlberg comes in a close second.
    
60. I love FRIENDS.
    
61. My brother, husband and I quote several episodes to one another regularly.
    
62. I named my daughter after my maternal grandfather (and hubby's maternal grandmother) and my paternal grandmother.
63. I would swear that I knew her name long before she even existed, I just can't find the notebook I know it is written down in. (Yet!)
64. I have kept journals for most of my life.
    
65. I once suffered from such severe foot pain I could barely walk.
    
66. Acupuncture saved me. Many times over.
67. I miss my friends from work.
68. I also miss my best guy friends from back home.
69. I believe men and women can be just friends. (see #68 - I have at least two of them)
    
70. Prior to becoming a social worker I worked in Tax Publishing for 9 years.
    
71. I met my closest guy friend on Halloween, at work, when I offered him candy corn.
    
72. I was dressed as a cowgirl (I think ...).
73. I met my husband at work when he started his job working for my then boyfriend.
    
74. My ex and I and my husband and his ex once went to Atlantic City for a weekend. Together.
    
75. I am such a good friend I took my husband's ex to Fire Island with me one Fourth of July weekend so my not-yet-husband (or boyfriend, for that matter) could spend time with his brother ...
76. My hair has never been dyed.
    
77. Or cut shorter than my chin.
78. I used to wear overalls to work.
    
79. Not just when I was dressed as a cowgirl.
    
80. I don't know how to make matzo ball soup.
81. Or challah bread.
    
82. But I should. Especially down here in NC.
83. When I lived on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and worked on the [lower] West Side I took 3-4 trains to work.
    
84. I love How I Met Your Mother.
85. And Rules of Engagement.
    
86. ER was one of my favorite TV shows EVER.
    
87. I also love NCIS.
88. I could watch the movie Dodge Ball over and over again.
89. And I have.
    
90. I could eat pasta {with sauce and shredded mozzarella cheese} for dinner every night.
91. But I don't - though I probably did when I lived by myself.
92. My husband and I danced to three special songs at our wedding.
    
93. Wonderful World, by Louis Armstrong [first dance]
    
94. Grow Old Along With Me, Mary Chapin Carpenter [second dance - but it was the 1st song we ever danced to together at a friend's wedding]
    
95. Don't Wanna Miss a Thing, by Aerosmith [spotlight dance]
    
96. I danced with my father, mother AND my brother at my wedding, as well.
97. Separately. (Sunrise, Sunset; You Light Up My Life; Stand By Me)
98. I am newly addicted to my in-chair back-rub provider.
    
99. And the Wii Fit.
    
100. And now I'm ready for bed.
     

101. I'm linking this up with Shell to Pour My Heart Out in the AM. And I thank Fadra of all.things.fadra for lighting a fire under me tonight to get this list done. Even if it is a bit half-a$$ed of me. Hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little bit better!

**And yikes, it took me like 40 minutes to write this list! I'm truly going to bed now!**

Another year ... another memory

Another year goes by and it's already January 17th.

How is it possible that time flies in such a way? How is it possible that my daughter will turn four next month?

It's all possible. It's incredible how time feels so fleeting one minute, and as though it drags the next.

If you've been with me for a year you may have read my post last January 17th. If you haven't, I'll provide you with the link shortly. Today is quite a day for me and my family. It's a rough one, not just once, but two times over.

Back in 1996 we lost my grandmother after a long and awful battle with Alzheimer's. She had been in a nursing home for 13 years, so I can't say it was unexpected, but it stung like you'd never imagine. Or maybe you can, if you've suffered that kind of loss yourself.

I flash back to the memory of when I just knew here in my post titled Today, from 2010.

That was hard enough for my mind and heart to deal with. That was enough of a reason to find no joy on the 17th of this cold and wintry month.

Fast forward a few years and my younger self decided to stay home in memory of my grandmother. It was MLK day, just like today, so it was a Monday. I decided that even though my company was not closed for the holiday, I surely deserved a mental health/personal day. I gave myself a little time to wallow in the loss of the last grandparent I had left.

The day was nearly over. I had survived another year. And then ...

My cousin's husband died. That same day. Four years later. The day after their 1 year wedding anniversary. Is that even possible? Is that even allowed? I mean, seriously. What kind of G-d awful joke was this? It was crueler than I could ever imagine. Benny was like a brother to me. He was the kindest and most open-hearted individual you'd ever meet. He served our city as a member of the NYPD, I felt safer around him than anyone else I knew. Even at Yankee Stadium. That's totally tongue-in-cheek, I promise. I'm a Mets fan, and somehow I wound up with him, my cousin and my uncle at a playoff game in the Bronx many moons ago, and the simple fact that we had him there with us was just warming. I don't know. Maybe there are no true words to explain it all.

I've already cried this morning while talking to my mom, and that was a response to the pain of losing my grandmother. And yet, for some reason, my mind thinks of him. My head and heart say he would have been 38 right now. Just like me. He's been gone 11 years. How in the hell is that fair?

Maybe it's that I watch my child today, playing, open and honest, totally raw ... and I think to myself of how unfair it is that he never got to be a father. Never got to experience so much. It makes me say to myself, and to others, that we should never ever take the every day for granted. We should always honor ourselves in the way we would honor those we've lost.

On a happier note I found out about an hour ago that my brother's best friend's wife had a baby boy this morning. Somehow I just *knew* and felt that she would give birth today. See, they were at that wedding 12 years ago yesterday. I have the pictures and the memories, and it just seemed right to me that her baby arrive today. Maybe somehow, now, finally, there can be a blessing on the 17th of January that takes away the sting of the losses I've experienced. Maybe this little bundle of blue can remind me that there is good in our world and love can be so powerful it can help us rise above any and everything else.

Maybe I'm just rambling some more. I know I was way more eloquent last year - but it's rough when you wake up and your mind is full of what-ifs.

Either way, thanks for *listening* ... as always it's great to have this space to just let the thoughts roam free. And if you can, say a small something for my cousin, who lost her mom almost two years ago March, and still grieves for her husband in a way that words cannot truly define. I think of her all the time - can't imagine the things she has experienced at her own young age. Sometimes I just wish I could have a temporary rewind, to give us a small glimpse of what used to be. Instead I'll just look ahead, and remember in my heart all that has been.

Taradaramadeit!

I was fortunate enough to stumble across Taradara on Twitter, and I started checking out her really cool and unique products at that time.

I don't remember exactly what led me to reach out, but I had to have one of her business card holders for myself, and so I let her know I was stalking her store until I picked one out for me.

I have since ordered a gift for my best friend from back home, and Tara was amazing and seriously created something that meshed with exactly what I was looking for.

I asked her if I could interview her and promote her a bit here as she really has been one of the easiest people to work with and I absolutely love her style. I also think we're supposed to be friends, which is why I'm totally drawn to her, or something like that that doesn't sound stalker-ish - I mean, yeah, she's awesome.

So, here's my stab at interviewing:

* What made you start your business?
I started my business because I really want to stay at home and be accessible to our boys at any time. I am a Trauma/ER RN, so I definitely could go back to the hospital to work ... but I feel like I would miss out on so much with my family. With my sewing business, I am fulfilling my first love being artistic, my dream, and my passion ... and I can be with my family.

* How do you keep your ideas so fresh and creative?
I've thought a lot about this. I don't really have a concrete answer as to how I stay inspired or where I get my ideas from. I'd have to say that I appreciate constructive criticism from my peers. Bouncing ideas off them and asking them their opinion really has helped me grow and develop my products. I encourage my friends, customers, and my family to suggest different products they would like me to make. I love that my products are so unique and different than anybody else's, so that pushes me, too, to stay inspired to be fresh and creative.

* What's your favorite piece you've ever made?
My absolute favorite piece that I've ever made is my son's quilt. It has nothing to do with the products I make to sell, but it is hands down my favorite. When he was 2, we got him a big boy bed and I realized I didn't have age appropriate bedding for it ... so I made him a quilt with various trucks in six different squares. I used fabric from my stash, my mom mailed some fabric from Canada, and my mother in law gave me fabric to assemble his quilt. I also used his receiving blanket from the hospital for the ambulance ... it is the very essence of a 'quilt' with a story and that's what makes it so special to me.

Here's a photo:

You can also find out more about how special this piece is to Tara by clicking here to read the post this interview inspired over at her place.

* Did you learn to sew from your family members? (I saw you wrote that you come by it naturally!) How old were you the first time you created something? What was it?
I learned to sew from my Mom. Her mother and her grandmother were both sewers/quilters. I love how sewing is a part of my 'heritage' in that I have grandmothers {and a great grandmother} on BOTH sides that has passed their talents on.

My mom used to sew a lot for other people in our town ... and for us as kids. A little story, my Mom would be working on an outfit for me one day and the next morning she would have it hanging off of one of our kitchen cupboards for me to see when I came out to have my breakfast. I would wear it to school that day {what a great childhood memory}. So, I thought I would do that for my children too ... I made our oldest a t-shirt with a tie appliqued on it and he totally shut it down {boys!}. So, I sew functional products for others to enjoy and appreciate {hehe}. Okay, back on topic....

I believe I was 12 when I first created something. I believe it was a pair of shorts I made for myself. I didn't use a pattern, I just took a pair of my own shorts and layed them down on the fabric and started cutting and sewing. I sewed the front to the front instead of front to the back {oh, patience was certainly a virtue that I learned ... I used the seam ripper more than once with that project}. I've always loved the idea of having a skill, such as sewing, that you can make something functional out of a flat piece of fabric.

See, I told you, don't you want to know her? Well, you CAN. Just check her our here at her BLOG or head on over to her ETSY store or her Big Cartel store to check out what she has in stock. And if you don't see it - ASK for it, because, well, have I mentioned that she's awesome and will totally make whatever it is you're looking for? Yeah - that.

A New Look!

So, what do you think? It's a whole new me!

I had the fortunate pleasure of being a total pain in the a$$ to Dionne over at Homesick Cajun as she revamped my 'hood for me. Poor girl didn't know what she was getting herself into!

Anyway - I decided I wanted some pinks, browns and a little bit of blue, too. So she gave me that and then some. And then I decided it was too pink. And then she made some more changes for me. And then I realized I'd have to have a signature. My standard signature always has those two asterisks before my name, and she creatively incorporated the flowers in there.

And so, here I am. Good Girl Gone Redneck in a whole new 'hood. It's still me, underneath the pretty flowers, the light colors and the funky fonts, I'm just that New York girl who relocated, found a whole new Redneck side to myself and started livin' it up here in Blognia.

It feels really good to have my own space, as for the entire time I've been blogging I've been floating around, grabbing free backgrounds and just testing them out, looking for that perfect fit. That perfect way to look at my site and say, hey, whattup? It's really me. It still feels weird to see myself in these colors. It still feels as though - hey, wait - did *I* say that? But I love it. It feels like home. I have to thank her for that, and thank all of you, as YOU are a huge part of what makes this feel like home to me, as well.

Hope you all like the look, and if you don't - well - just lie to me. I can't take it. I'm pretty fragile right now. ;-) Or not. Whatever.

Review: Bundt Pan from CSN Stores

So prior to the new year I had an opportunity to review some products from CSN stores.

I was really excited, and if you have never shopped at their online stores, you're truly missing out. There are so many options that it's practically impossible to not find what you're looking for.

This was the case for me, as well.

I began my *shopping trip* with a focus on kitchen supplies, specifically bakeware. If you follow me on Twitter at all you already know that this holiday season had me in the mood for baked goodies. Or non-baked goodies. Whichever suits your sweet tooth!

Anyway, I have always had a fascination with bundt pans. Seriously. I'm so serious that I posted a thread on my local mommies' group for support and advice prior to choosing the perfect pan. I was pretty sure I was going with Nordicware (which is completely not related to Nordic Trac, in case you were wondering) as they appeared to be the best of the best. I was not sure if I should opt for the 6-cup, the 12-cup, or the anniversary edition pan. As it was, if I'm being 100% honest with you peeps, I totally opened the box when it arrived and was shocked. I knew I got the 12-cup one, but totally thought I ordered the silicon pan. Duh. Guess what? I didn't. No biggie - I am absolutely in love with this pan. I've used it twice already just because.

I made carrot cake (from a box mix) into bread in this thing, and made almond loaf cake from Tastefully Simple taste like it was from scratch. It could be because of the almond slivers I tossed on top, or maybe, just maybe, it was this incredible pan.

With the discount code I received from CSN Stores, I also purchased another product, but that review is on hold for the time being. I bought a single-serve blender type thing, and it worked really well the first time, but not so great the second and third, so I'm reserving complete judgment until I have tried it out a few more times.

In the meantime, check out this pan (image from CSN website) and it's shiny beauty. And get yourself one if you want to feel fancy like me!


** I was not compensated in any way for this review. I was given a coupon code for $ to purchase an item (or two) of my choice to facilitate this review, but the opinions expressed here are entirely my own.**

Stream of Consciousness Sunday

I'm going to participate today in Stream of Consciousness Sunday over at All Things Fadra.

I tried to copy the button over but it's not showing up when I preview, so I'll hold off on adding it and just start my writing in the raw in a moment.

So, this is my first time participating in this, but most of my writing is a stream of consciousness, honestly. I don't really do that much as far as editing goes when it comes to my posts, as what you see is what you get, ya know?

Anyway, what's up with me? Well, my daughter had the flu before New Years and I wound up with a sinus infection shortly after that. So I have the fun meds of Prednizone and the infamous Zpack again, as always, to take care of me. Fun times.

I'm trying to stay positive and believe that somehow this will be my last illness of 2011. Which is really hilarious to hear myself say (see myself write) because we all know that that is on the verge of impossible. At least if you know me then you know that's the case. Normally I'd probably link to some of my previous gripe sessions about being sick, having acute and chronic sinusitis, etc.

(Pause in the action - child just came to me to tell me her clip was falling out of her hair.)

Honestly, just the fact alone that she's let me put two clips in her hair and they have stayed in there for the past few hours is a miracle in and of itself. She's getting some crazy long hair and I LOVE it. I'm refusing to cut it, though I know I may have to soon as she's not going to be able to see if we let these bangs continue at the rate they're going.

Do you know how many times I tend to start to write her name in my blog and then remind myself I don't share her name with you readers? I mean, I know some of you know it, but I'm trying to keep some things "private" - meaning "off the net" for the time being.

Anyway, looks like I have under a minute left. I wonder how I did. Did I bore you all? Hope not. Am I even supposed to be writing as though I am writing TO anyone? Or for someone to actually read? I guess I've only really read Fadra's entries before, and I'm not sure ...

And so - that's the end. Five minutes of writing in the raw for today's post. Hope you enjoyed!

Lazy Mom Recipe for Sabroso Saturday!

This is a recipe I posted once, ages ago.

You can see the original here, in a tribute to my crockpot written in March of 2009, when nobody knew my name.

I learned about this from the mommies' group I belong to. It's salsa chicken, and it's sooooo good!

SALSA CHICKEN

2-3 chicken breasts
1 jar salsa of your choice
1 can black beans (drained)
1 can corn

Re: the chicken ... you can use fresh or frozen, but if you're like me they're almost ALWAYS frozen because I buy them in bulk and try to keep them in the house at all times -- you can also roast a chicken (or if you're lazy like me you can buy one from the grocery store) and shred it up and use as much as you'd like for this recipe. You can also use frozen corn, or mix in any other veggies you might have on-hand.

Cook on low for about 6 hrs. With 1/2 hr to go in cooking feel free to add a block of cream cheese. Serve on top of rice (or toss the rice in with about an hour or so to go,) or with tortilla chips, and shredded taco flavored cheese on top. Or both! I love to add some sour cream to cut the spice, and my hubby prefers if I use taco sauce instead of salsa, as he doesn't like tomatoes or the chunks some salsas have, but sometimes you have to work with what you've got!

It's obviously a *lighter* version if you leave out the cream cheese, shredded cheese, and skip the sour cream, but sometimes I find I need at least ONE of the three to help cut the kick for myself and my taste buds.

Have a recipe you'd like to share that is really tasty and helps you stretch your budget a bit? Head on over to Latina on a Mission for Sabroso Saturday to join in, or just to find some more recipes worth trying!

Reading with Redneck in 2011!

If you know me you know I'm a reader. If you don't, well, guess what? I am.

Instead of signing up for someone else's challenge this year, I've decided to set up my own. Now, it's nothing critical, I promise you that. You don't have to read 100 books in 30 days, or 6 months, or even an entire year. All I am doing is inviting anyone who is interested in increasing their reading time throughout the year to take a pledge right here. Say, sure, I'm in. I would love to read more than I normally do.

Two years ago I finished up the year at 40-something books. This year I hit 60 (or fell one shy, depends on which challenge you're looking at, I was involved in two!). So next year I'd like to beat that. Worth a shot, right?

What do you have to do to participate - you ask? Not much. I don't have a button for this event, nor do I have a linky set up (I'm terrified nobody would join. In fact, I don't think I have EVER had a linky on my own before. Hmmn ...), or anything super official like that.

Just leave me a comment letting me know that you're interested in the self-challenge tossed at you by Reading with Redneck. Hmmn. Anyone smell a second blog in the works? As if I would have the time for THAT!

And if you want to make it more official and post about it, go for it. Link back to me, don't, I'm cool with whatever you decide. Honestly, I just want to encourage more people to take some time to crack open a book or two, or ten, flip a few pages on that eReader of yours, or heck, remind yourself that as much as you read to or with your children is as often as you should read a page or two, too!

Heck, maybe I'll get that swap of mine I wanted to do months ago underway.

Or ---

-- - wait for it - --

Maybe I'll find a great prize to give to the person who surprises themselves the most during this challenge. Yeah, I kind of like that idea.

Anywho -- are you with me? Are you in? What do you think?

Hello?

Hello? Is this thing on?

Sometimes I Suck

There. I said it. Sometimes I just plain suck.

I'm trying to be strong, powerful and an incredible woman. I'm trying to be the most amazing mother. I'm trying to be a fantastic wife. I'm trying to be a loyal and involved daughter, sister and aunt. I'm trying to find the right people to be the kind of friend for that I thrive on being.

Sometimes I drop the ball.

Sometimes I suck.

Yesterday I had this post rattling around in my head and I thought to myself, G-d, woman, what kind of mother ARE you? This would be after I went upstairs to go to the bathroom, and actually LOCKED the door behind me. Don't worry - my husband was home already. I wasn't hiding from the child, though I would have loved to. I double-checked the door as the latch is wonky, and seriously, one of my biggest cats can open the door when it's not truly and thoroughly latched. I really don't enjoy having the door sprung open on my while I'm sitting there in the midst of my business. Not that anyone does, of course.

Well, a few minutes into things, if that (I'll admit, I was idling. I was on the iPad, taking my time) my daughter knocks heavily on the door. HEAVILY. I tell her I can't open the door, and I'll be downstairs in a minute. She gets quiet, and suddenly storms through the door. I mean, literally STORMS through that sucker. It was locked. What the he!!?

I was PI$$ED. Steamed. Seriously ticked off. "GO!" I screamed. "Close that door!" She looked at me like a deer in the headlights. "Close it! NOW!"

My anger level was ridiculous. I mean, for goodness sake, she is THREE. What the hell was wrong with me? What the hell IS wrong with me?

Sigh. Literally. I am heavily sighing right now.

Sometimes I just look at her and feel happier than I could have ever imagined, and other times, though I am still looking at her with that same feeling in my heart, I am so frustrated that I don't know who I turn into. It's like a crazy anxiety streaks through me, and I just don't have the right way to respond rationally and remember that she is a CHILD. MY CHILD.

MY THREE YEAR OLD CHILD.

Sigh.

So - what is wrong with me? I won't even get into the mindset that comes after the crash of anxiety leaves me, and I feel sad, hurtful and hurt. I look at her sweet little face (as mischievous as she may be, she's still my little sweetie) and feel like crap. I start questioning how it's possible I have stayed home with her for her entire life. Yes, almost four years. Not driving. How much am I cheating her out of? What is she getting at home with me everyday, when I end up yelling at the poor kid? Double or triple sigh.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. We have had a great day so far today. Our Wii Fit arrived this morning and we spent some time laughing, working out, and moving our booties. It's been fun, and despite my congested head and turning on Olivia and Little Bill (yes, Twitter friends, AGAIN) for her so she could eat lunch in front of the tube while I made myself some tea, we haven't had any iffy moments - yet. I guess most of them come later in the day. I suppose when I just am losing it, losing my grip on the day, waiting for my husband to come home, and so forth. But how to make them stop ... or are they normal? I don't know. All I know is they suck when they happen. And I totally feel like *I* suck, too.

Yours in suckky-ness ...

p.s. Almost forgot to say I'm linking up with Shell this week for Pour Your Heart Out.

Dial Diaries: Ends as the New Year Begins

I fell slack on posting about the Dial Diaries experience here for you, my friends.



I started a post to cover Weeks 2 and 3 last week, and then it turned into nothing, as I just didn't really know what to say. Here's a link to my post from the first week, in case you're interested and might have missed it.

I think I went into this with too high of an expectation. I kind of thought there would be interaction between participants, along with some words from the "expert" aka "guide" aka Amy Hendel. Instead we got to log in, possibly post some questions for her if we had any, and I honestly have no clue (edited to update, I now, at the end of the program, have a small clue as I just saw a fellow participant comment on my Week 1 post!) who else is participating in this event. There's no camaraderie here. No connections. And it honestly makes me kind of sad.

Now, don't get me wrong, she [Amy - and no, we're not on a first name basis] seemed nice enough in her videos, and in her small excerpts that we - as participants - were given access to to inspire us or something. But she didn't really do much inspiring for me overall.

And it's been four weeks and we've only been shown 2 other blog entries / articles written by those participating in this program, so that's been kind of eh, as well.

But lest I keep complaining and seem ungrateful, I will share that week 2 was about skincare, and I did receive a surprise bottle of Dial NutriSkin body wash that I could give a test run. I liked it enough and it's hanging out in my shower. It's kind of minty, which is always nice, and has a cherry scent. Apparently cherry seed oil is good for your skin - or something.

And week 3 was about exercise. Or maybe I have those backwards. But I DID actually appreciate the reminder that it's important to move our bodies. I'd been working out a bit here and there, and trying to get myself moving to the point that I could notice a change in me. And it's working. Albeit a slow and steady climb, I've lost a mini-amount of weight since the four weeks began, and I will say thanks to Dial for motivating me to start a focus of this nature.

**More on that in a future post, as Santa bought our family a Wii for Christmas and I just ordered the Wii Fit Deluxe, too! Way to go, Santa! You must know we ate loads of those cookies we left for you. Oh, and the pumpkin muffins. And the egg nog - oh, wait, I hate egg nog. But hey, a Wii! Yahoo!**

Lastly, we're encouraged to find "me time," time for ourselves where we take the focus off of everyone else, remove ourselves from those around us and find time to be centered, etc. Amy encourages us to get organized enough to be able to find that sort of time for ourselves every single day. Can you imagine? I can't - but I'd like to be able to. I've been trying to do so this past week, and the previous weekend, as well, in fact, as my husband has been home for the long holiday weekends, so I've been able to find some time to just hide away upstairs with a game of Angry Birds to keep me entertained. And hey - it's working. At least until the wee one comes upstairs and crashes in on me. But that has to count for something, right?

So - wrapping up I'd like to thank Dial for my free sample, and for the chance to participate along with 99 other bloggers. I only wish I knew who those people were ... but hey, it's never too late to make connections, so that's what I'll have to try to do!

Happy New Year, Dial.

Thanks for being a small part of my kick-starting myself off to becoming a healthier ME.

** The opinions expressed in this post are completely my own. I have not been compensated in any way for my post or for expressing my opinions. I did receive the aforementioned shower gel from Dial, and I was to be entered in a trip giveaway after these four weeks had ended. I think we can all safely assume I'm out of the running for that one - right?**